The Art of Letting Go

15/11/2017


When the puzzle pieces outgrew themselves and no longer fit the canvas, I find myself so pressured between trying to fix things or to walk away. I chose the latter. Because even when you have tried to glue back the pieces, a broken vase will still look cracked and bruised, leaving memories from the fall.

I chose to walk away after months of trying to tolerate things that do not fit my box. I chose to walk away all the miscommunication and misunderstanding, the moments where I cried myself to sleep and pent up frustration built on accusations made by fingers pointing to my direction. I chose to take my feet, turn my back and walk away from all the toxicity and guilt trips, the rebukes and lectures that drew a series of apologies from my mouth even when it's not my fault. I chose to say 'I'm done' instead of 'I'm sorry.' I chose to defend myself even when people never gave me the chance to, even when they spit their thoughts and think they knew me, like doctors in white performing surgeries in my brain while I stayed there, paralyzed and not moving.

Nobody taught us how to let go. We have instructions but they are only theoretical. You cannot make people face these things with a preset of emotional responses. There's no guidebook to that, just like how there's no key to how to live a life. But believe me when I said it's all worth it in the end. It's worth to cut the people, the moments, the things that are holding you down. The people who manipulated you, degraded you, belittled you and ripped you off your basic privileges to defend yourself when you know you are not at fault — walk away from them. When I thought I couldn't do it, I felt stuck in a swamp with my feet slowly sucked in. There was mud everywhere and I was dragged by the overwhelming pressure, frustration and sadness. I felt sad. I felt like it was my fault that I had to cut ties with some people. I was worried about my reputation.

Until I mentally yelled at myself to frickin handle it. It doesn't matter if a friend of friend believes that I was the one at fault. It doesn't matter if a friend of a friend agrees with the other person and think I'm a bitch. It doesn't matter what a friend of a friend thinks because they don't know me in real life. All of us will always be judged, one way or another. There will always be people who think they know us, the real us. There will always be that one person who twists our words and turn them against us, put some poison in our throat so every word we speak reeks of venom. There will always be that one overly sensitive individual who doesn't get what we meant but still insists that we are throwing up words from a place of hate. I — we are always going to be misunderstood.

The first few steps of letting go can be done in the simplest ways: mute, block and unfollow. You are always entitled to protect your sanity. If a person makes you feel like shit, mute them block them unfollow them. If you feel manipulated or trapped in a toxic environment, find your escape. I know it's easier to be said than done especially when you are stuck in a toxic situation (I know, I've been there) but I'd like to believe there will always be a way. For me personally, I try to focus on what my mind needs and how I will profit from letting go of someone or something. It does take a process and a lot of assurance that it's okay, it's fine but so far, it has been good.

Point is, you don't owe anyone anything and even if you did, you don't have to pay them with your soul and sanity. You are way more valuable than all the manipulative mind games and guilt tripping ordeals.

How do you achieve the art of letting go?

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