04/03/2017

12. I Do It For Myself


One annoying thing that bothers me is when someone came up to me and ask, "so you're into makeup now? Did you get yourself a boyfriend / crush?" For the record, yes I am in a relationship but that has nothing to do with me wanting to look presentable. I chose to look presentable because I want to, because it makes me happy and feel a boost of confidence. I'm doing it for myself and not for other people or my boyfriend, even.

When I was younger, I wasn't bothered with taking care of how I look. I didn't care about taking care of my skin, let alone trying out makeup. To be honest, I thought I'd never reach that phase where I would get so hyped about a visit to the drugstore. I remember at the age of 13, I saw my female classmates who were soooo into beauty products that they were talking about nail polishes and this and that and I thought, "wow, how are they interesting? I'm curious. I don't understand any of those." To my 13 year old self, getting crazy over skincare or makeup product was ridiculous because I was never that kind of girly girl who grew up playing Barbie makeup; I grew up playing video games, Lego bricks and read a book. I was born geeky.

I was a late bloomer. While my 13-14 year old friends were busy talking about nail polish releases, my first makeup product was a black kohl eyeliner at the age of 18. And the reason? No, it's not because I was doing it for boys. I was doing it because I listened to a lot of Avril Lavigne and Green Day. At the same time, this whole emo scene kid era also influenced me to change my style. I'd wear a lot of sneakers (I still do now, but that's not the point), skinny jeans and even went with a razor-cut shaggy hair style and none of them was done because I wanted to impress guys. I didn't care about crushes or having a boyfriend at that time. I wasn't like the teenagers I was surrounded with.

As I began introducing myself to the world kohl liners, I also introduced myself to the world of beauty products. I was interested to know what it's like to put on makeup, to take care of my skin. I've always been self-conscious about how I present myself and you're probably thinking, "aren't you contradicting yourself? If you don't care about what people think, why are you so insecure?" The thing is, whether it's caused by external factors or ourselves, insecurity is something we feel from time to time. In my case, I fight against it by taking care of my skin and giving myself a quick, fresh pick-me-up stitch by applying the "no makeup" makeup (because hello, Lisa Eldridge is the best beauty guru and her philosophy is that makeup is not a mask but a natural upgrade and I love how she doesn't look like a drag queen). For some people, a perfect winged liner makes them feel sassy, confident and fierce and others may rock the bold, red lips look for that. Either way, it's fine as long as it makes us feel good and society should stop thinking that we're changing ourselves to impress others, especially boys (urgh).

In case I don't seem to be making any point with this post, I just want to say that even though there are some girls out there who go through all the changes for the sake of impressing others (or *cough*boys*cough*), there are also girls who put on makeup because they enjoy doing it. Makeup is fun, it's playful and it's art. It doesn't matter if a girl is in a relationship or if she's crushing on someone because change isn't always about doing it to impress others. I'm not dismissing the possibility of it but generalizing girls who enjoy taking care of themselves like that is just a big no. Similarly, if anyone pressures you into wearing makeup even if you don't feel comfortable or refuse to then fuck them. If your boyfriend thinks you're better off with makeup and doesn't like you bare-faced then fuck him (not literally, of course. Just figuratively flash him your pretty little middle finger, flip your hair and walk away).

Last but not least, it's okay if you're not into makeup. It's perfectly fine if you don't care about putting on makeup or using 10-20 skincare products to get a clear, smooth skin. Trust me, I don't have 10 skincare products in my regime either; I only use the essentials (cleanser, toner, moisturizer) and those alone are enough. Besides, the truth is nobody needs foundation all over their face because makeup is a choice, not a necessity and we get to choose on what works best to make ourselves feel comfortable in our own skin.

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