My best friend and I recently talked about how one of our friends needs to save himself from being extremely pathetic about his single life. I know there are people in this world who take their single status quite seriously, however, it does not compute in my mind when one gets extremely desperate about wanting to have a partner especially when you know how most people fail to distinguish infatuation and love and think that crushes are always equivalent to love. No, it's not.
Growing up, I've always been someone who puts relationship at the end of my list. I'd rather spend my time reading and gather more knowledge. I was never a study, study, study kind of child but I've been more interested in knowledge than dealing with relationships. I think it's because at a young age, I've always known that love is more than just a four letter word and that emotion or feelings are indefinite mysteries. When I was 13, I remember my classmate, who's a super feminine girly-girl, failing her exam because she was the kind of dumb teenager who couldn't decide between Guy A or Guy B. I thought it was pretty stupid, I still think it is.
Please don't get me wrong, I'm not dissing anyone who thinks romantic relationship is a gift to mankind. You do you. But I never quite understood how some people turn into a brooder who fret and sulk and whine about why oh why are they still single and sad. Unfortunately, this is a cringefest illness that is affecting one of my friends. I'm not sure which one sucks more; the fact that he cannot differentiate infatuation from love or the fact that he thinks it's alright to have multiple crushes and gamble with them. I'm not sure about you but I think it's a douche move to have two crushes at once and see if he could win one or the other — kind of like Plan A or Plan B thing, ya know? I don't think as a girl, I'd be flattered if that happens to me because hey bro, I'm not an object and you can't look at me like I'm your backup plan. Besides, it makes him look even more desperately pathetic that he's almost double-crossing another friend who has been crushing over the same girl.
Here's an idea: Love is not infatuation. I don't think crushes are people that you fall in love with. Crushes are just people you're interested in, people you like to stare because they have perfect hair or the perfect eyes or the perfect height — all those perfect, perfect little lies. To me, there is no such thing as love if mutual understanding and coexistence are missing. You can be as selfless as you want and still, at the end of the day when you realize that none of your effort is reciprocated, you'd feel the exhaustion and perhaps the disappointment. Coexistence matters and don't lie to me by saying it's not. You cannot give all the time and not get tired of doing it. Oh and let's not forget that 'love at first sight' is a stupid bullshit. Love at first hate, however, is not.
I think a lot of people fall in love (or at least, they think they are) so easily because they don't usually observe the important factors underneath. I have seen a lot of relationships fall apart, I have seen a lot of girls saying they're in love only to break up after a year or two because they cannot differentiate between being infatuated or in love. I always tell everyone that breakups are easy and the challenge is when you have to maintain the relationship. I can't help but to let several questions arise: Why do people think love is easy? What makes them think that once you're no longer single, all the problems in your life are going to just solve themselves? Why don't people think more about whether it's infatuation or love they are feeling? I will never understand people who sulk over such ridiculous things especially when they have yet to figure out the difference. Besides, I was single until last year and believe me when I tell you that being single is not the end of the world so please, don't degrade yourself and be a pathetic little brooder by groaning about how sad you are. Trust me when I say being single is not and should not be your first world problem or priority. In fact, you know what should be a priority? Ice cream! And pizza! And food! They make life so much easier.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this post. I'm not sure if I convey my meaning enough (so please, even though I'm not writing every single thing down, it doesn't mean I do not consider other possibilities and factors) I think what I'm trying to say is that before you claim yourself to be in love with someone, take a moment to think about whether it really is love or just a mere infatuation. Infatuation is easy, love isn't. Infatuation is that addiction when you find someone attractive and you want to have him or her, sort of like getting high on drugs (not that I ever tried any). On the other hand, love is that incoherent labyrinth of codes that you cannot decipher very easily, the codes that make you feel intense affection towards a person, the genuine commitment you are willing to give and the stability that evaporates from it.
I am no expert in this but that's just how I perceive the two. Maybe I'm too harsh, maybe I'm too much of an INTJ analyst and maybe I'm too skeptical about things. Whatever it is, I still think people are supposed to have a smart judgment on these things.
* there are some other things I did not write in this post because I don’t want to bore you with my rant.