04/12/2016

The Lost Friendship



Have you ever wondered how the person you once thought as a friend (or best friend, even) could end up becoming your acquaintance and maybe, stranger as well? I've had my fair share of friendship that did not work out. I've had experiences taught me things like how people always come and go, how trust is earned and not given and how loyalty can easily be taken for granted. The thing is, after all the experiences I had during my years of growing up, I thought I knew how to keep myself safe by carefully selecting the friends I opened up to.

And I did. I kept my guard up and selected three people to be my best friends and gave my heart, trust and loyalty to — my boyfriend A, my best friend N and another person, Q. It was only recently that the "three musketeers" list had to be reduced to "two musketeers" because I had a repercussion with Q. I don't know if I was the one being dramatic but I'd rather be called dramatic than to shove away my feelings and call them invalid. I had asked N for her opinion and she said that Q shouldn't have said the things she said, that her words were not very understanding to me and my condition.

It wasn't a very nice conversation at the end of the day, however, I tried to be as civilized as possible by telling her about why her words upset me. I told her it has always been difficult for me to trust someone and open up to them. Growing up, I've always been a loner who keeps things to herself. To have someone I trust shoved my problems away kind of made me realize that no one really stays and even if there is one, that person is the golden needle in a haystack — kind of like my boyfriend and N, really. They are amazing people that changed my life and perspective of things.

Q apologized for being such a b*tch but I chose not to reply, not anymore. It was exhausting, to say the least and I found myself disappointed again for the nth time in my life. I don't hate her per se but things won't be the same anymore. I will never be able to look at her the same and I don't think I want to go back to what we had before. It was a bunch of good, hilarious, sister-like memories but things change, people change and friendship fails sometimes.

And honestly, it's okay. It's okay to part ways with people you can no longer handle, it's okay to protect yourself by avoiding some people that may be bad news for you. I am still thankful for the fun midnight chats I had with Q, the sassy humor we both shared, the time we spilled our thoughts to each other at 3 am in the morning. She is a fun person, just not someone that fits my life.

Everyone has a different way of coping when it comes to friendship breakup but I know we've all been there at some point in our lives. We survived, didn't we? We walked away and continue with our lives, continue to believe that there will be that one friend who'd stick around regardless.

I've found mine and I do hope you find yours.

images via yellowtrace

7 comments

  1. I think in the end, nothing is forever or certain and even if you take great pains to be very selective with your friendships, people can always grow apart, change, or just have momentary lapses where they say and do cruel things that can potentially end a friendship. The most we can do is enjoy the time we have with people while we have it and be thankful we had those moments at all. If we have this mindset, I think we will feel a lot less down about the friendships that end abruptly or fade away slowly.

    Rae | Love from Berlin

    ReplyDelete
  2. I agree with you, Rae. nothing is forever. and people grow but it takes effort and co-existence to maintain friendship so as impossibly dreamy as it sounds, I believe there will always be that one loyal friend who understands. friends fight with each other, yes but it's a different thing when the friend said something hurtful and decide about whether he/she has hurt the other person or not. if a friendship fails and fades away, we all have to move on instead of crying over it repeatedly - that enough I understand. I hope that makes sense, lol. I do agree with your opinion though.

    ReplyDelete
  3. i do believe friendship has its own expiry date thus the breakup is inevitable. both can be related but one can occur without the other. some people view friendship as escapade, while i'm definitely an "i'm with you to the end of the line" team. to each their own. if a friend couldn't appreciate you, move on. i'm in a difficult phase of friendship right now and pretty much i'm what the other treated me at this point. everything is a lesson. be it lost or gained. as long as we learn, then it's not a waste. cheers to better friendship <3

    ReplyDelete
  4. i second that. everything has expiry date. if people leave then we have to move on too. it's sad, yes but we all need to start walking too at the end of the day. i'm also a "i'm with you to the end of the line" kind of friend and it'd be so nice if i can get the same loyalty from a friend, you know? but at the same time, i know i have to move on. we all have to. we all grow wiser through experiences :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I hate the feeling that "things will never be the same". But I guess things just have to happen and you have to accept it. Back in high school, I thought I'd lost my two best friends too, and it was such a petty reason. I also moved on with my life, but then a year after we became friends again and now we're totally best friends. I just hope that I wouldn't lose them again. I believe that they're the ones who would stick with me til' the end. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. You know, I applaud you for this. It can be really hard to let go of someone in our lives, someone who might be toxic or might have drawn the last straw. A couple of times in my life I have had to let go of people I completely trusted, even loved – because of not just one, but a few, fallouts.

    I had one friend who wanted something more from me than I could give, and insulted me and my beliefs and tried to use me when I was vulnerable. For that I chose to out and tell him that I didn’t want to be friends anymore. That was enough, and after one final conversation I chose not to reply anymore. Another friend of mine had been my very best friend, and we had a tumultuous ‘friendlationship’, but I could not love anymore. I cared so much for him and he continued to abuse my trust and the feelings I had for him because he could not commit. To this day he still embarrassingly tries to contact me but I leave his messages and emails ignored. It sucks that in both cases, for me, it was not just a friend but someone I could have been in a relationship with if they were not such jerks. 😜

    It’s so much more difficult that dealing with drifting apart, because you literally feel like you’ve lost a friend. I talk about old friends and friends I had in the past, who I’ve lost touch with – but we didn’t leave on bad terms or anything. And I feel fine telling stories about them and using the word ‘in school, my friend K’ or ‘I had a friend called K’... but the thing with these people, like your friend Q, is that they are not our friends anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  7. […] best friend, N — this year, I’m grateful for my best friend N (who I briefly talked about here). She also taught me several things in life, gave me some meaningful and logical advice. […]

    ReplyDelete

© mlkbx . Design by FCD.